One of the strangest things that can happen to a very certain person is a change of pace. There was a time when I was absolutely certain about the direction that my life was taking. I was a young person full of dreams, competition, passion, and hunger to thrive in this world. Nevertheless, I always felt this pull towards breaking the very rules that I had set for myself.
While I craved success, I realized that I would have to have a set schedule. I would have to give my employers the certainty that I would be present on a daily basis. Yet, very much deeply…I am a gipsy. No, do not get any wrong ideas about this. I actually have an excellent track record with my previous employers. I thrived and succeeded in work environments primarily dominated by male counterparts. I made no excuses for myself: I went in, did the work, and always exceeded all expectations. I honestly believe various things shaped the way that I saw myself.
For instance, I grew up in a home without a father. I was raised by a single mother that had become pregnant with me as a teenager. We were very poor. My clothes were worn until I could not fit in them anymore. My shoes hurt my toes as I grew taller. Luckily, I only grew to be 5’2 and about 100lbs. (that was a joke…although very much truthful). I would eventually face sexual assault and rape. Even under those circumstances, I had encouragement from people that helped me thrive and become the person that I am today. My maternal grandparents, and my mother always told me that my good manners and hard work would pay off. Eventhough I was an average student, my mom would tell me “your treasure is not in school; it is past school.” I would eventually join the military and become the first female in my family to ever wear a military uniform, go to war, and become a veteran. Later on, I would also become the first female in my family to finish 3 advanced educational degrees. I take nothing for granted.
The secret was God. I attribute all of this to God. Yet, I chose to depart from my career path and focus on my family. I wonder why women are often told that being at home with the family is sort of a lesser, demeaning role. I have never worked so hard in my life. Providing my children with an at home education has proven to be both satisfying and painful. I believe today that God was teaching me to run as fast as I could, gain the medal, and then put them away. In this, I have become self aware and absolutely selfless (except for those times when I escape to have my lonely coffee and biblical reflection).
As I type this, I wonder what my next steps will be. I am in my 40s, I am no longer the young girl full of dreams to conquer. Yet, I have the spirit of Christ that leads me to want more, to achieve more. There is certainly nothing new under the sun, but I am prepare to discover a portion of the old.
Never stop dreaming. If you feel like stopping, remember why you started. Never give up. If you feel tired, remember that this is just your SECOND WIND! Changes rock your normalcy so that you may open up to the new. Stay bold and bright.
Romans 15:13 “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”