As the year begins, I am consumed with the idea of coming up with a good 2020 resolution. I have gone through the same stages as many others regarding resolutions:
- Weight loss
- Eat healthier
- Focus more on my career
- Be a better (mom, wife, daughter, friend, coworker, etc)
- Be more positive
- Stop worrying so much
- Read the Bible
- Read X amount of books
- Learn how to (insert thing to be learned)
- “I have no resolutions! Whatever”
The truth is that I have tried almost everything concerning New Year’s resolutions. This year it occurred to me that there are other things that matter more…wait? Did I just say a “grown up” thing? What if I focus on healing? What would it take to heal internally? Hmm…this would mean that I’d have to focus on those icky parts of me that make me hard to love. The bad attitudes, the mood swings, asking for forgiveness….it would involve too much of “looking in the mirror.” Do I even have it in me? Can I accept the brokenness that I am?
Suddenly, I find myself questioning whether or not this whole healing thing is for me. Is there an easier way to do this? Do I “DO” anything? What is my job in this whole healing mess? Ugh, I can’t do this! I’d be learning to heal by looking within myself; I’m an idiot! Who learns to heal from a perfect idiot? ME!!!!
But then again, that’s the thing. I bet you already know what I’m going to say: I cannot heal by myself. There’s no way that I can “fix myself.” So, how can I do this thing? Yes, I’m a Christian so….Jesus is the answer. Nevertheless, I am avoiding slapping a spiritual bandage on this whole thing. As I wonder, I decide this would be a moment to pray and seek out God’s word. I mean….we all already know that I’m not qualified to heal myself. I’m sorry to tell you that….you are not qualified either. However, there is One that can. What does He have to say about this healing?
Ecclesiastes 1:12-14 “I, the Teacher, was king over Israel in Jerusalem. 13 I applied my mind to study and to explore by wisdom all that is done under the heavens. What a heavy burden God has laid on mankind! 14 I have seen all the things that are done under the sun; all of them are meaningless, a chasing after the wind.”
We are advised to not seek our own understanding; regardless of how experienced we may be. However, we move to Ecclesiastes 3 and realize that God has provided a time for everything. We are to go through things, we are to hurt, we are to mourn…yet we are also to have peace. We come to learn that to live this life, we are to experience all that comes with life with absolute trust in God and patience. I take refuge in knowing that God restores.
“But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the Lord, ‘because you are called an outcast, Zion for whom no one cares.’ Jeremiah 30:17
I pray that 2020 is your year of healing where it matters the most: your heart.