One can achieve major stagnation when blaming other people for their pain, stress, and suffering. At this stage, the person may feel the need to go after self-help books with advice such as: take responsibility, look in the mirror, look no further than yourself. The problem with these perspectives is that they are deceptive. By masquerading the problem as being within the person, individuals end up even further in depression or at a complete loss. We sense that God has stopped listening to us; there is no response or acknowledgement from heaven. We screwed up; God has left us. We find ourselves feeling as if life has stopped having meaning.
We hit a wall. What worked before, does not work now. Doing the right thing, praying diligently, reading the Bible….nothing works.
But why? After all, we have shifted our behaviors. We no longer blame others…we blame ourselves.
Yes, the shift goes from blaming others to blaming ourselves. Yes, “look in the mirror.” This will usually place the person on a temporary “feel good” trip that eventually leads to a continuous loop of depression. The assumption that people, their accomplishments, professional careers, material things, relationships…as if all of this could make us “feel” better. And these things do work…for a time.
Thankfully, God never gives up. Next time you come face to face with a wall…walk through it in Jesus name. Sounds preachy, “churchy,” and even metaphysical for those that do not have a relationship with Christ. But I highly encourage you to give God a try. Rest in the hope of the world given through the son, Jesus Christ. Here’s what can end up happening to you (it happened to me).
I left the self-victimization behaviors behind with good help. No, I did not do this alone. I can confidently state that I was unable to help myself. I sought out help with mature Christ followers that were not afraid to call me out (I was too proud to admit it before). But LORD…it took LOTS of more depression and loneliness for me to get it. I certaianly was a slow learner here! I discovered that I had issues of gratitude. I was ungrateful. I had the nerve to state that I was “lonely” when I had a house full of people, an amazing husband, and children that blessed me every single day. It was all about MY feelings.
I took for me to acknowledge that my depression came from not placing my trust in God fully. Somehow, I wanted to exercise control in my life. For the record, life is absolutely unpredictable. You have no clue what will happen tomorrow. You can try, you may be right many times….but you do not know. I was in absolute disobedience; but I did not want to hear anyone point out the aspects of my personality and behaviors that were failing me. If I kept this up, I would end up a lonely old woman.
At first, I felt judged. I left churches, and I called the very Christ-followers that were helping me “judgmental.” I would say “Oh…no. YOU do not get to judge me. Me? Disobedient? What am I 5? I’m leaving this church”. Yes, I absolutely loved stating that people were judging me. I lived my life lukewarm. I was halfway here, halfway there. That was until being just okay stopped working and I wanted to drop dead. I could not face my life, and I did not why. I felt worthless, ugly, not good enough. It all started to change when I said ‘ENOUGH! I AM LETTING GO. GOD STEP IN. PLEASE STEP IN BEFORE ITS TOO LATE FOR ME!’
My true healing has not come from people, not friends, not family, not my kids, not my husband. I had to trust that God truly had me…all of me/all of my drama. It had nothing to do with feeling “happy,” or finding the problem…but from understanding joy.
Joy = Jesus Christ.
Put your trust in the one that can take you through circumstances. Have an absolute trust in God and His word that things will work out in the end. Don’t believe the lies said about you, but be brave enough to hear hard to stomach feedback.
Stop living dead